Only getting up 3-4 times with the baby at night would be considered a good night these days. This isn’t new to me, I have two other children who consider sleep a waste of time, but after a year you would think the baby would sleep more than 1 1/2-2 hours.
To say I’m exhausted would be an understatement.
A few nights ago we had a particularly challenging night. After waking up every 45 minutes from the time I put him in bed until about midnight, he fought sleep for about three hours (that part isn’t typical, he usually goes back to sleep fairly easily) after which he finally crashed for a while.
I would get him calm, lay him down, and as soon as my weary body hit the bed and had a chance to relax he would start crying again. Once or twice I managed to shut my eyes. All I could think was WHY IS HE STILL WAKING UP SO MUCH???? Even the other kids who didn’t sleep well were down to waking only once or twice at night by this age.
After he finally fell asleep for (what I didn’t know at the time would be) a decent stretch I laid in bed and cried out to God. Yelled would be a more accurate way of putting it. I was MAD and I let Him know it. Not that I have a right to be mad at God.
My prayers for sleep had gone unanswered (in my perception). Ok fine, I’ll pray for energy and strength do deal with the lack of sleep. Nope, that didn’t come either. It felt like God was far away and not providing what I needed for the tasks He has assigned me.
So I laid there railing at God. “Why? Why are You putting me through this?? Why do You want me to do these other things when I get NO SLEEP? Why won’t You just divinely make the baby sleep well? Why are You asking me to function when I can barely think straight? And to top it off You are asking me to be open to ANOTHER BABY?? Are you CRAZY????”
Side note: Yes, I know there are people who have it worse. Yes, I know there are people who desperately want a baby that doesn’t come and would be grateful to be up all night with one. Please know that I view my children as the amazing blessings they are and I am so very thankful to have them. This was a personal moment of weakness in dealing with my own difficult situation.
So I yelled at God. Then I fell asleep (for 2 hour until the baby was up again). But that morning I woke up before the kids. For the first time since I don’t know when I felt refreshed and ready for the day. I also had an extremely productive day and felt energized until bedtime. I even had less caffeine than usual. I have continued to feel that way in the days that have followed.
I had to get to the point of having no strength, energy, or reserves left, the point of having no strength of my own on which to depend in order to fully depend on God and allow Him to provide that which is so much better than what I have on my own. I had to give up before He could work in me.
He IS faithful. He will provide. It isn’t always on your timing or the way you would like. I would still like to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. I would LOVE to experience true deep sleep. I don’t know when that will happen. I do know He will give me just what I need right when I need it. I will view my energy and/or sleep as my daily bread. He will give me what I need for today and I have to trust that He will take care of tomorrow.
People say, “God will not give you more than you can handle.” But I think this is completely false. He will absolutely give you more than you can handle. You can count on it! The point is not for you to handle it but to lean on Him. He will not give you more than HE can handle (there is no such thing anyway).
Is there an area of your life where God may be waiting for you to give up control and lean fully on Him?